There is such a thing as being too nice, too giving and too caring. To overcome depression you must stop the habit of bending...
There is such a thing as being too nice,
too giving and too caring. To overcome depression you must stop the
habit of bending over to gain people’s approval. I know, it’s easier
said than done. But no one said it’d be easy.
Those who are affected by depression
tend to be people-pleasers. And yet, ironically, quite often their
actions are viewed by others as selfish and self-centered. For over
three decades I believed in that crap myself. I believed I was selfish
and self-involved. I was convinced I had nothing to offer. I also
thought that it didn’t matter what I thought. That my opinion was less
important than anyone else’s. It seemed as if I was always living
someone else’s life.
Finally, after two major brain seizures
caused by a suicide attempt, I stopped living someone else’s life and
looked deep within…
Someone Else’s Life
I was the child who was “too young to
understand things” and therefore to make decisions. My life was run by
the grown ups, who weren’t able to see the serious damage caused by the
primitive belief such as; “children should be seen but not heard.” Then
later, I became an young adult, clinging to any guy who’d find anything
whatsoever appealing in me. At that time my looks seemed to have the
only value in the eyes of others.
I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t who I am. I
was a “slave” to anyone who was willing to have me in their life. The
fear of rejection always steered my thoughts into the direction that led
others to benefit from it more than I did.
How tiring was that!? How exhausting it
is having to constantly put others before your own self! And how little
reward you get at the end of it…
All this, so you can can keep deluding
yourself that someone cares about you, at least enough to stick around.
For a while, at least… ’til they get tired of it.
Then what do you do when the inevitable
happens and when they leave? You blame yourself, of course. Consciously,
or subconsciously, your already low self-esteem gets reinforced. It
spirals downward in a lightening speed and you get even more depressed,
thinking that there is no tomorrow for you…
Well, there is. And it’s a bright one, too!
You’ve heard the phrase: “You teach
people how to treat you” but you’ve ignored it so far. Maybe because
when you did try to stand up for yourself it always seemed to have back
fired. You might even had finally snapped and told others to fuck off,
which they deserved to hear, only to find yourself being labeled as too
aggressive and not “lady-like.”
Well dear, who the f**k gives a damn?
Who cares what others think and, or say? Let me just remind you – it
shouldn’t be you. There is only one person in this entire world whose
opinion should matter to you, and that is YOU and you ONLY.
There is only one person in this entire Universe that needs your pleasing, and that person is you.
There is only one person who needs your caring the most, and yes, you’ve guessed it – it’s you again.
Just remember this: if you care too much
– others will care too little… If you remain too available – others
will always remain too busy for you. Without even being apologetic about
it, people will always make you wait for them, making you feel as if
your time is not nearly as valuable as theirs. You get the picture…
You will encounter resistance from those
around you when you start making those long-overdue changes, but that’s
OK. Have fun with it. See that sense of amusement on their faces and
that sense of disbelief… Stare back at them without blinking.
Be prepared to deal with the consequences of having the courage to do what’s right for you.
In your mind let go of the fear of not having that job in case your
boss decides to fire you. Maybe it means it’s time to do something else
for a living.
Be ready to let go of your significant other if s/he continues to refuse to treat you in a new, more loving and respectful way.
Make yourself OK with being alone for
now. Make yourself comfortable with being with… YOU. Get to know
yourself. Find out exactly what your needs and desires are and then
become unstoppable in fulfilling them! Be selfish. You’ve been accused
of it so many times before, now it’s time for you to show others (and
yourself) how selfish you can really be! Show them that you mean
business…
Renounce the guilt. Let go of it. Completely. It’s time to release it.
Be your number one. Be bold. Be spontaneous. Learn to be yourself in every situation and around everyone.
